The 3 Lessons I Learned From Having An Affair

It was becoming a habit. For many nights, I sneaked into my apartment trying not to make a noise. Every night I would tell myself that this would be the last time but this has been going on for months now. I was left with guilt, remorse and I didn’t know how to stop it.

I had the bad habit of texting or calling my significant other to tell her that I would be home by 8pm but I never made it by that time. Most nights, I wouldn’t get home until one in the morning. If this trend continued, I was afraid I would lose my future wife.

If you decided to read this blog post, you probably thought I was going to make a gossipy confession. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. My ‘affair’ was not with another woman. I was actually cheating on my wife with my job. During that difficult time, I thought I was the only one experiencing something like this, but throughout my career, I found out that there are too many people experiencing the same thing. In a way, I’m glad I experienced this ‘affair’ early in my career because I learned from it. These are the three lessons I learned from having an affair with my job:

1. The definition of work-life balance

Before my ‘affair’ I had a different definition of the term ‘work-life balance.’ I was under the impression that having work-life balance meant that I should only work 40 hours a week and the rest my available hours should be spent doing whatever I want. During my ‘affair, I revisited the term ‘work-life balance and pondered about what ‘balance’ really meant to me. What exactly did I learn? I learned that ‘work-life balance’ means something different to everyone. To some, who love what they do, working 60 hours a week and spending weekends with family works well. For others, the hours they work is insignificant – it’s more about how they feel and if they have accomplished happiness and emotional balance between their work and their life. I really had to sit down and write out my thoughts about what work-life balance meant to me and what I was trying to accomplish by working so much.

2. It’s not your company’s fault – it’s your fault

When work gets busy and the ‘affair’ occurs, we convince ourselves that the ‘busy season’ will soon be over. Next thing we know, just like in my story, the busy season continues and seems to be endless. It’s very common for frustration to kick in and the first thing we do when we’re stressed and cranky about the long hours is blame others. Many times, we are quick to blame our boss or our company. I did this too. However, complaining and blaming the company did not help my situation. What did help? Looking in the mirror. I found out that my time management was poor, my organization could be stronger and my priorities in life were never established. I worked on improving myself and setting personal boundaries which helped me be more effective at work and a better person beyond work.

3. Help is always near

The worst thing I did during my ‘affair’, was to keep it to myself. I never asked for help. I’m the type of person that can take on a lot of responsibilities and feel there is nothing I can’t do. However, when work was rough and the load got heavier, I didn’t say a thing. After speaking with my supervisor, I was able to get assistance, learned how to delegate better and was able to make it home earlier than one in the morning. At first, I didn’t want any help because I didn’t want my coworkers or teammates to also experience this burden and feel overwhelmed. I also didn’t want my team or boss to think that I was incompetent to do the work assigned to me. My supervisor also recommended some readings so I researched a few books that helped me with my time management. There is always help.

Perhaps I exaggerated a bit by calling this experience an ‘affair’ but if you asked my girlfriend (now wife) at the time, she’d probably say that I left her for my job. The reality is, many of us struggle with finding the right balance between work and life and I hope to cover this topic in the next few blogs. I hope you learn from my mistakes.